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In the midst

May 1st, 2010 at 2:14 PM

Perhaps it isn't the most dramatic "Plan B" story but it's the one I am in the midst of now. As a young girl I had dreams of how life would be. Those were encouraged by "romanticized" movies and television. The dreams of how your children would be and how wonderful life would be as a family. My husband and I married late in life and started having children soon thereafter figuring that our time was limited. I was thrust into a new role of wife/mother/homemaker which entailed on the job training. It was a wonderfully awful time a mixture of joy at children and trial at all the things life hands you along the way. I never had much time to take a breath. Years later, I now have time to think about life. My title, although I will always be a "mom", no longer will be "mommy". Our children all but grown a new season is dawning upon us. It feels as though the sudden changes (most of my children moving out within a few months of one another) have put a screeching halt on all that I thought I was. This, along with other changes within the same period of time caused me to lose my footing. It's as though I am walking in circles looking at the walls and wondering who I am and if my life has made any difference. Along with that are years of unresolved conflicts/issues that my husband and i have "buried" and they have decided to resurrect themselves and haunt us. We look at one another and wonder "who is that and do I even like them any more?" What's more is looking in the mirror and asking the same question. Life is not what I had thought it would be...time seems too short to make much of a difference. I am looking at Plan B....the real life story (not the idealistic/fairy tale). We were sold a "bill of goods" and now we find that it was written on toilet paper. I am hoping to find, in the Plan B time of my life that the God, whose name I bear, will show Himself as He is. He asks me to "Be still and know that He is God." That I must do if I am to make it to the end...know Him...for real.

Lansing, MI

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