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this is not my Fairy Tale

April 1st, 2010 at 10:43 AM

I was like every other girl in church, following Jesus in hope's that one day I would look to the side and see someone following too and we would become man and wife. My guy came with two kids (from a previous marriage) and I couldn't have been more excited. I always wanted kids. The bliss lasted just a few days and on our honeymoon, he shut down. I didn't know what that meant, all I knew was that I was suddenly very lonely on what was supposed to be the perfect long awaited marriage. The next years were filled with many suicide attempts, hospitalizations, rages, drunken stupors and more. More times than I can remember he was absent from a family event, milestone for the children and even Christmas. He would tell me " I need to escape from the pain in my life" what pain? We had so much, amazing children, a great church family who loved us, extended family who were right there, good jobs, a home, health you name it. We were living the American dream and deep down I began to withdraw.... hate and love tried to occupy my heart at the same time.... My Plan A wasn't even a plan it was a shattered dream... a nitemare of sorts, I was changing into someone I didn't know. Finally my husband was hospitalized for almost a year, our son did the unthinkable and moved to his mom's 2 hrs away, I was beyond devastated, hopeless. I would pray prayers I knew in hope's that it would keep me going. But it was dark. I couldn't imagine God would allow this all to happen. I knew the miracles, I knew that His hand was always present but why oh why was the valley so dark and so deep...... during all of this the Plan B series took place, I listened online.... and I am still in the journey... I am not there yet....

Kristi O

Lewiston, ID

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